Part 5 - TW: Violating No Contact
Part 5 - TW: Violating No Contact
Deets On Emotional Incest
Trigger Warning:
NY 2023 - 10 Years Ago, I Broke Up With My Mother.
Part 5 - Violating No Contact
Part 5 - Violating No Contact
When someone contacts another person who has established a "no contact" boundary, this action is commonly referred to as breaking, violating, or breaching the "no contact" agreement or barrier. It involves initiating communication or reaching out to the individual who had previously set boundaries to maintain distance or cease contact.
This breach of the established boundary disregards the other person's request or decision for space, privacy, or a cessation of communication. It's considered an infringement on the boundaries that were set for personal reasons, such as self-protection, healing, or disengaging from a toxic or unhealthy relationship.
The person who initiates contact after a "no contact" agreement might do so for various reasons, including a desire to reconcile, seek closure, address unresolved issues, or due to emotional impulses or external pressures. However, it's important to recognize and respect the boundaries established by others, as disregarding these boundaries can potentially cause distress, discomfort, or disrupt the healing process for the individual who set the boundary.
If someone breaks the "no contact" barrier you've set with them and you feel unsafe, threatened, or harassed by their actions, it is entirely appropriate to seek help from law enforcement.
It's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being in situations where boundaries are disregarded, especially if the other person's behavior causes fear, intimidation, or distress. Contacting law enforcement can help you establish documentation of the situation, seek advice on legal options, and potentially receive immediate assistance if you feel threatened or endangered.
When contacting law enforcement, it's helpful to provide a clear and detailed account of the situation, including any evidence you have of the breached boundaries or any instances of harassment or threats. They can guide you on the appropriate steps to take and help ensure your safety.
Remember, your safety and peace of mind are paramount. Don't hesitate to seek assistance from law enforcement or other relevant authorities if you're in a situation where your boundaries are being violated and you feel unsafe.
Birther Violating No Contact
Over the course of the last decade, my birther, unfortunately, breached the no-contact boundary three times. The initial instance left a traumatic impact, as it was an incredibly distressing experience that prompted me to reevaluate my relationships. In response, I made the difficult decision to enforce a no-contact arrangement with one of my sisters.
The second breach, while not as emotionally distressing as the first, carried its own weight of disappointment and disrespect. Both instances, in their own way, were pivotal in reinforcing the importance of boundaries and self-care within my personal journey. Lastly, the third breach was actually an enlightening experience.
In 2019, I went to check the mail at my apartment like any other day after work. Unlike any other day after work, I find a thick greeting card style envelope. My birther had found my address… Well, my old address, fortunately. USPS mail forwarding service had forwarded it to my new apartment. Unfortunately, it still triggered a panic attack and a meltdown on social media.
Which, at the time, I was still friends with two of my sisters on the platform. Guess who decided to reply? The sister that our birther lived with. The same sister that teased me about sharing a bed with our birther just to end up sharing a bed with her as an adult. Of course, she jumped to the defense of the birther, and wanted me to forgive her and move on. Which triggered another panic attack and another meltdown. At the end of the night, I ended up going no contact with yet another (surviving) family member.
I don’t know for certain how the birther got my address, even if it was outdated. I have a theory that my long-term ex-girlfriend gave it to her, as we shared the place at the time we broke up and she moved out. My ex has known the birther for decades, as the birther was “Momma Deets” to the church community that I was involved with as a teenager… and I also dated my ex as a teenager after meeting in that church community. I can’t prove it, as I can’t and won’t reach out to either of them, but that is the only link I know of between the birther and that address.
The second event was less dramatic but still as traumatic. In early 2021, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was in chronic pain all the time, it felt like my brain was literally on fire, I had just survived my first blood transfusion after literally shitting a liter of gastric blood… of which was the catalyst of my first ambulance ride in my life. I couldn’t get off the toilet, and the fire department EMTs had to wheel me to the vehicle. And two months later I had my second ambulance ride for a stomach obstruction. Furthermore, I wasn’t eating or sleeping, as I was constantly ruminating on my trauma while obsessively educating myself on politics and civil rights. My IBS was still undiagnosed and untreated, and I was in constant gastric pain, and rotating between bouts of diarrhea and days of constipation. My life was pain. Physical and mental constant pain. And… I had just lost my first SSDI claim after undergoing a hearing without a lawyer. I was desperate and posted a GoFundMe.
Yeah… She found the GoFundMe and donated $50 with an “I love you and miss you note”. If she actually loved me, she would have respected my boundaries. This incident didn’t trigger panic attacks, but it did trigger anger. Here, I am, at my lowest point, posting a GoFundMe with a video of me basically in tears. So... here she comes in trying to white knight me and buy me off for $50? Bitch, you’re the reason I’m disabled in the first place. You’re the reason why I wasn’t on SSI at 18. And I have reason to believe that you knew of my disabilities AS A MINOR and hid them from me.
You’re the reason why I was shipped off to a bullshit “Bible College” almost three hours away from anyone I knew without a car or even a driver’s license. You’re the reason why my actual accredited college education was derailed for years, because you moved into one of my sister’s houses while I was shipped off to the “Bible College” and then lied about asking if I could stay with her also. You said my sister said “no”. Eight years later, I find out that she wasn’t even asked.
I was homeless for years and all I wanted to go to college. I had my GED. I had my ACT. I just needed a few months to get a few more things in order, since you weren’t exactly helping me. I could have started the next semester. But… No, I was given an ultimatum by you and our pastor to go to this unaccredited slave labor “Bible College” or I would be throwing my life away. At 18. Dealing with undiagnosed (?) disabilities. While still trying to process my father’s death. I just needed time, and you couldn’t even give me that. So, you want me to be happy with your “charitable” $50 and forgive the abuse you gave me that completely destroyed my life? Fuck off.
The third time, she found my new Facebook account after I deleted my socials and “reached out” again for forgiveness. No… The time for forgiveness was when I was 19 and trying to reach out to you about how you messed me up and how I wanted to process how you messed me up. Of course, as the narcissist you are, you took that as a personal attack rather than an invitation to family therapy and shut the conversation down before it even got started.
I survived you. I survived Emotional Incest. But Survival is not happiness. Survival is not fulfillment. Survival isn’t even contentment. Survival is simply living to the next day…
